Regret Is More Painful Than Failure

There were a couple of years that I threw the shot put and discus for my High School Track and Field Team.  The first track meet I went to was at Leeds High School just outside of Birmingham, AL.  When it was time to compete I remember getting to the throwing circle and seeing the other athletes for the first time.  At this time, I’m a sophomore and I probably weigh around 275 pounds.  I was probably somewhere between 35-40 % body fat.  I had a decent amount of strength in my upper body but I had chronic knee pain and soon I would begin having back issues.  I was a mediocre athlete at best.  The other athletes that showed up to throw the shot put looked like gladiators from a movie.  Most of them were football players at their school.  They were launching the shot put.  My initial reaction was probably a combination of feeling mortified and thinking, “What the HELL am I doing out here?!”  I was way out of my depth from a competitive standpoint.  Nevertheless, I threw as far as I could and cheered on my teammates for the rest of the day.  

I hated for people to ask me how I did at a track meet.  I was soooo big, so I was supposed to be strong.  Also, I often worked out on my own on top of regular practices, so I was supposed to be pretty good, right?  Wrong.  I can remember being out at the school track one day practicing my throws on my own.  A kid who was skipping class came out to the field and wanted to see if he could throw further than me.  He was much smaller and wasn’t in any way a part of the track team.  He threw the shot further than me with no previous experience.  Embarrassed and Demoralized would be a good description for most of my athletic experience in high school.  So much effort to get what felt like absolutely nothing.  Then to have classmates point out that I’m trying so hard and people who don’t even care are able to out perform my efforts.

These were really hard years of my life for many reasons.  But it was the disappointments in sports that hurt the worst.  This was because fitness and athletic development were the things that were most interesting to me growing up and they still are as an adult.  Moments like that first track meet always served to remind me of the vast chasm that existed between myself and the person I wanted to be.  

Of course, the main lesson of this time was not about winning.  It was understanding the importance of giving full effort in trying to reach a meaningful goal… even when you’re getting nowhere and watching others fly past you.  If I could talk to my younger self I would say this, “Young man, it’s easy to be an exceptional athlete and see success in competition.  But it’s hard to lose repeatedly, suffer embarrassment, and keep working with the belief that one day you will be better.”

Failure does not kill you.  Putting forth a piss-poor effort doesn’t either but it might steal your joy.  Not trying something you want to try because you’re afraid to fail in front of others might leave you with lots of regret.  I’m fortunate because while I have never known major athletic success, I’ve never known regret from not trying.  Similarly, in the rest of my life, I’ve made tons of mistakes and I’ve hurt people.  I’m remorseful for many of these things but I have peace because I go after what I want, win, lose, or draw… and I give it everything I have to succeed.  No stone left unturned.  The effort we put into something we want is so within our control.  I can’t fathom a life spent holding back because I might lose.  Those painful lessons I learned growing up helped me develop that mentality.  I encourage you to adopt the same for yourself. 

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