Smartphone Rules of Engagement

I follow the writing of author and computer science professor, Cal Newport, PhD.  He might be most famous for this TEDxTysons Talk, Quit Social Media . 

Anyone who follows my writing knows that I don’t have any social media presence.  It’s taken me a long time to lean into my instincts on this issue but following Cal Newport’s writing has helped me be confident in my decision.  In short, before the internet existed, people built businesses.  I suspect that building an income without social media is not only possible but, maybe even desirable.

As a writer and advocate for personal responsibility, my goal is to get you to stop, focus, and engage with my ideas.  I’ve always felt that when people find me on social media, they’re already in a state of what Cal Newport refers to as fragmented attention.  I didn’t have those words at the time, so I thought of it like being a chef who has prepared a healthy five course meal where the main course is a pot roast.  What I was doing by sharing my content on social media is taking a little piece of the pot roast, drying it out like jerky, adding high fructose corn syrup to give a sweet/savory flavor, bagging it up with a small label, and trying to sell it in a huge candy store.  My suspicion has always been that people are on social media platforms looking for quick entertainment (dopamine) and my content can’t be truly understood in that context.  Context matters.  You have to be ready to sit down for a meal and then let it digest in order to absorb my content.  

Have to Have’s

When technology becomes ubiquitous, soon thereafter people begin to insist that it’s needed.  

I have to have home internet.

I have to have a large data plan for my phone.

I have to have a smartphone…  

All of these things represent convenience, not ‘must haves’.  They can make life easier in many ways if used properly and with intention towards building the life we want.  However, we have to remain vigilant against false narratives and be self-aware because technology advances at a pace faster than our ability to use it wisely.

For example…

There’s a narrow two-lane road that leads out of my neighborhood to a main thoroughfare that goes downtown.  I use it often when heading to and from work.  The other day I saw a young man headed in the opposite direction.  He was in an SUV and his head was going up and down between looking at the road and looking down toward his lap.  I presume he was reading/sending a text message.  I see this behavior while people are driving, almost every day.  It’s terrifying.  I’m one of many voices saying it, but we have become so addicted to our devices.  It leads to wildly irresponsible behavior.

You don’t have to have a smartphone to get along in the world and you damn sure don’t need to use your smartphone while you’re driving a wrecking ball down a narrow two lane road.

Be a Late Comer

I myself have always been a late comer to technology.  

Sega Genesis and Nintendo were the major video game systems around when I was growing up.  For the longest time I envied a friend who had both, until one day I came home from school and my mother had bought me a Super Nintendo as a surprise.  I was excited and I hooked it all up immediately.  Then that thing just sat there and collected dust.  I have never understood people’s fascination with any type of video game.  It’s not reality.  However, all throughout my life I’ve known people who spend ridiculous amounts of time engaged in video game play.

I got my first cell phone from Cingular Wireless back in the Summer of 2001.  This was back when you had a monthly limit on the number of minutes/texts you could use during certain hours of the day.  I knew people who would spend all day texting and talking on the phone and rack up ridiculous bills.  Yet again, I didn’t understand it.  I guess I always found the reality of right now more interesting than virtual connections.  Until this day I’m not a big texter or talker on my phone.    

When social media first became a thing, the site to be on was MySpace.com .  Eventually Facebook came, then Instagram, etc. etc.  Fortunately for me, by the time Facebook was becoming really popular (2011-13) I had become very aware of how much time I had wasted in my youth watching TV.  Also, I had been disenchanted by my education experience in K-12 and college because I spent so much time learning things that weren’t interesting to me.  In 2012 I became acutely aware of how much time Facebook could eat up without me having accomplished anything productive out of that time.  I started to back away and eventually I deleted my personal account.  Again, I noticed how much other people were using it. 

It was in 2013 when I got my first smartphone.  The first iPhone came out in 2007 and the first Android phone in 2008.  Honestly, the only reason I got it is because a woman I liked at the time was always trying to communicate with me through pictures or emojis and I couldn’t understand her messages.  This is probably where I first felt FOMO (fear of missing out) or fear of being left behind.  I bought the iPhone5 brand new back then.  Again, I never got what the big deal was.  Granted, it’s a powerful device. But in terms of writing, which has become my primary activity on the internet, the laptop/chromebook is still my favorite tool.  11 years later, I’ve only bought 2 other iphones and this most recent one that I’m using is an iphone8 (Currently their on iPhone15).  For my purposes the two might as well be the same damn thing.

I share all this to say that I have had a rich life without being consumed by technology.  Also, the times I have allowed myself to be enveloped by technology, I’ve only backed away feeling drained and anxious.  Conversely, I have already felt the positive gains in my writing ability and my public speaking skills since recently reducing the time spent on my smartphone.  I’m also looking forward to reading more physical books and using the library again.  I still enjoy podcasts but I haven’t been listening to them anywhere near as much as I used to.  

Up until now I’ve been very hesitant to tell people that they should quit social media and stop using smartphones.  Maybe for a period of time while you figure out what your hard rules of engagement will be.  As a society I feel like we are in a period of technological history where we are all being challenged to change our personal habits around the digital world.  As I always say, change is hard and the big temptation is to lay total blame on the tech companies.  But you all know I will not allow that.  We as individuals need to deploy personal ownership against this need to change by taking responsibility for our actions, beliefs, and overall direction in life.

We need to create personal rules for the digital road…  

My Smartphone Rules of Engagement (ROE)

As I said, when I was young I spent more time than I care to admit in front of a TV.  When people comment that screens are watching our kids these days I understand the concern but screens certainly watched me when I was little.  However, I couldn’t take TV everywhere I went and I couldn’t make comments on TV shows.  The smartphone however, is a totally different animal than theTV I grew up with.

I’ve been on a sort of smartphone detox for the past couple of weeks.  My main distractions on the phone used to be indeed, email, podcasts, youtube, and music.  In just these past two weeks of pulling back from all of those things, I can already tell that I’m less anxious.  In my particular case, I think I was craving a little boredom which is an odd thing to say, but I think it’s true for me.  Historically, I have always been someone who was happier when his cellphone/smartphone was broken or inaccessible.  I think I was feeling anxious about phones even when they weren’t ‘smart’.

At the same time, I completely believe in the power of having access to information and nothing does that better than the smartphone.  As long as you have wifi or cellular service you have access to Google and YouTube and you can begin learning about any subject you want.  I’ve considered getting rid of my smartphone and going back to a flip phone but I don’t want to lose certain tools that are useful to me so I’m realizing that I’ve got to become much more intentional about how and why I’m engaging with my smartphone.

• Communication – First off, my phone is for communication.  Talking primarily.  Texting sometimes.  For my personal preferences, verbal communication is always best on the phone.  I’ve never been a huge fan of text messages and I think I’m going to start setting some hard boundaries with how often I use them.  It seems silly to point this out but I think we have to remember that when we look around, people are constantly staring into their phones.  Often they’re texting and reading a text.  I never want to be the guy looking at or talking on his phone constantly.
  
• Learning – As I stated previously, I am a huge believer in the value of having access to information.  However, recently it has occurred to me that learning about a topic is different from having knowledge that you are applying to some situation in your life.  I’m trying to do more of the latter.  I want to spend time learning things that help improve my life in a practical way. 
  
  I spent lots of time in school (Grade School and College) learning about things that had no practical implication on my life.  I’m not ready to call this a total waste of time but at 42 years old, if the activity doesn’t move the needle of my life in a desirable direction then it feels like a waste of time.  It’s easy to purport the activity of learning when in reality I’m entertaining myself.  This means that before I pull out my phone to begin googling I need to ask myself, “Is this learning or entertainment?”
  
  (I should say that I’m still very much struggling with how to handle my awareness of current events or news.  I feel I should be informed of national and international events but I’m also hungry to understand local issues which are often under-reported in any place I’ve lived.  Currently, I don’t follow the news much because it’s grown so negative and obviously biased since the pandemic.  I’m trying to find a solution to this for myself.  I’ll share when I have something.) 
  
• Earning – Often, I have an idea at work that I feel would be good for an article or I come up with a phrasing of a thought that I may have had trouble with that morning while writing.  Using my phone to collect these thoughts is extremely helpful.  Sometimes I’m walking around my neighborhood or on a break at work and verbally dictating the idea to voice/video recording is the most helpful form of idea capture.  The phone is great for that.  Then, there’s researching topics related to writing or presentations.  Again, the phone is a great tool for those activities.
  
• Entertainment – I think I may be voting against this on my phone.  I may have this wrong but I think in times past my brain has been trying to alleviate the sensation of boredom by engaging in activities that feel ‘productive’ (indeed, email, podcasts) but are actually just different forms of entertainment.  A suspicion that I have is that my creativity has been suffering because I haven’t been getting the idle time that we often call ‘boredom’.  It seems like there’s some subconscious machinery that works things out when we’re bored.  I still watch a show or 2 at night on TV but I think for now I’m limiting myself to 1 podcast episode during the day, if that. 

Communication, Learning, and Earning.  I’m trying to make this my Smartphone ROE moving forward.  This is a reflection of the boundaries I wish I would have set when I was a kid watching too much TV.  I’m glad I get to do this now as an adult with a tool that has tons of potential.  I would encourage all my readers to do the same with their devices.  I’m not saying set the same rules I set but create your own well throughout ROE with your phone.  

AND, by all means put it down when you’re driving!

Apply Personal Ownership

We see in the last few years that social media companies are being held more accountable for the harm their apps do.  It surprises me we haven’t levied the same scrutiny towards processed food producers and certain pharmaceutical companies.  Another thing that surprises me is how often I’ve heard people talk about social media in a disparaging way, yet still use it for their own purposes.  Junk food is addictive, I guess.  All this to say, it seems like we’re all on our own in this one.  Meaning we need to regulate ourselves and our use of these things if we choose to continue engaging with them.  I’m sure there are more addictive technologies waiting to be born in the near future.  We’ve all got to take personal responsibility for our actions with these things and ask if technology is moving our behavior towards the person we want to be.

Take Personal Ownership and cultivate higher levels of self-awareness around your digital behaviors.  Ask yourself, “Do I have any rules of engagement with my smartphone and other devices?  If so, what are they and how do they help me be a better version of myself?  If not, what rules will help me be a better version of myself?”  

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