“Men are in Crisis!” Recently, this is a headline that I’ve seen quite a bit on YouTube coming from small creators on up to large media outlets. It always draws my attention because I’m curious about the narrative that’s presented therein and the proposed solution to this crisis.
The issues often presented are lower rates of college enrollment, increased incidence of singleness, and higher suicide rates as compared to female counterparts. Usually the age range most observed lands between approximately 20-50 years old. I want to be clear that I’m not a social scientist and I haven’t done any footwork to verify any of these statistics. I’m curious and I think some of my own experiences feed into that curiosity.
Obviously there’s the fact that I am a man so, duh, the whole ‘Men Are In Crisis’ Headline is going to draw my attention.
I have to admit that my response to the college enrollment issue is some bewilderment. My interpretation of that reality is probably contrarian. I assume (I could be wrong) that fewer men enrolled in college is correlated with fewer men being in-debted by student loans early in life. For the last 5-7 years we have been sounding the alarm about increasing student loan debt. During the pandemic people were up in arms about tuition still being high at universities when students were learning virtually and not getting the coveted ‘college experience’. Personally, I’m starting to become increasingly offended by the idea that a person has to pay money to learn things. Paying money to organize and transmit knowledge is one thing. Paying money to be certified in a skill set is one thing. Paying money for a degree and experience that (at least for me personally) didn’t lead to much in the way of tangible skills doesn’t make sense.
Before I began dating my now wife, I had been a single man for 14 years. Some people are saying that most women won’t date a man of a lower education level than she is (Yet another fact that I can neither verify or deny). Here’s what I learned in singleness: It’s an extremely valuable time to get to know one’s self, understand what you find meaningful as an individual, and develop self worth. If you are fortunate to find a good match for romance it is best to not be dependent and still be able to be alone. Finding peace alone is not an easy path but neither is finding peace in a relationship. There’s a lot that I could say about this, but singleness is an opportune time to climb the mountain of self awareness (know that it’s a never ending climb). Growing in self awareness, self discipline, and self worth are all a part of developing Personal Ownership which is the most important skill in life, in my opinion. They don’t teach these things in college and, in my experience, lots of women appreciate these characteristics. However, remember, personal growth doesn’t equate to a partner appearing in your life. Hell, it may intimidate people and push potential partners away. But I think it’s still worth it for your own peace of mind.
As far as suicide rates go, I think we don’t spend enough time emphasizing basics: strong health habits and disciplined financial habits. Phones, social media, and fear mongering therein, are making us anxious and holding our attention. Obesity is more often being talked about like cancer or genetic dysfunction, and less a function of lack of education and choices. I wonder how our mental health overall would be affected if we focused on simple things like less screen time, more movement, more outside time, lower stress from better spending habits, eating better food, and eating less. From my understanding, many of these things would be recommended to someone who is struggling with depression.
Be solution oriented. Don’t get so bogged down on the problem(s) that you’re not working through solutions.
Travis Daigle 