How Will You Feel After The Work Is Done?

I’m currently helping my mother search for a new place to live in the same city I live in.  This will be the first time we’ve lived in the same city since I left home at 18 y.o. to go off to college.  That was 24 years ago but it still feels like it was only 5-6 years ago.  In many ways I still feel like I’m in my 20’s.  Time seems to stand still in one way.  At the same time, my mother is getting older and my stepfather passed away a few months ago.  As I get older, time seems to be moving faster in another way.

I find myself thinking more and more about things I wished I would have done differently when I was younger and the things I still hope to accomplish.  Being around my mother reminds me of being a teenager and 20 something.  Trying to make a business out of content creation also reminds me of this time in my life.  I find myself thinking that I should have worked as a personal trainer right out of highschool.  I should have read more about strength and conditioning when I was a teenager.  These thoughts also make me more urgent about the present moment.  I find myself more anxious when spending time in unproductive ways.  When I’m scrolling social media, searching jobs on the internet, and watching netflix, I find myself a bit self conscious about what I could be alternatively learning or creating to move my goals forward.  

It’s not that I think I need to give up entertainment or leisure time.  I think I’m just becoming more aware of what time and consistent action can do for my life circumstances.  I would prefer not to look back 20 years from now and think to myself, “I wish I would have…”  I guess it’s a bit like I’m living in the present and thinking about both the past and future, at the same time.  This might be a bad thing if I were only thinking and not doing anything.  However, currently, frustrations about past time wasted and hopes for a certain future are spurring me to action.  Life gets monotonous sometimes which means it’s tempting to stop writing, stop creating, stop doing martial arts, stop monitoring my diet, and just get more comfortable.  But I press on because while I have regrets about time wasted in the past, I also know the power of time used well.

My past is a lesson in parallel realities.  I wasted lots of time watching tv, eating crap food, and worrying about what other people thought about me.  I also spent lots of time cultivating strong study habits, an intense work ethic through exercise, and the ability to persevere through difficult circumstances.  Like most of us, I have things I regret and things I am proud of.  I think that my age and my current circumstances are prompting me to think more deeply about how I’m using the present moment to stack up more positive behaviors that I won’t regret in the future.  I’m not going to be mad 5 years from now if I spend more time reading, writing, being positive, cooking healthy food, exercising, listening to my wife and spending quality time with my mother, family, and friends.  All of these things get monotonous or seem fruitless sometimes.  I rarely feel motivated to do any of them.  And it’s always more tempting to dip into my vices rather than do the work in these areas.  However, they all have huge payoffs in the long run and they all make me feel better once I’ve done them.

The pride and sense of accomplishment we have in ourselves after the work is done… That’s what we have to focus on.  

Subscribe | Podcast | YouTube | Book | Instagram