No Extremes. Show Up. Do The Work.

In the last 3 years I have seen myself make massive gains in my physical abilities.  I can almost do front splits (the images above), I’m rehabbing old injuries that have plagued me for decades, and at 42 years old I’m feeling like I still have lots of athletic potential to be realized.  Often I find myself thinking about how this process hasn’t felt stressful or too intense.  No extremes or crazy hard workouts. My exercise routines are designed for me to show up consistently and do the work. The gains in ability take care of themselves.

When I was a younger man my problem was never consistency or effort, it was always pushing too hard.  I would push hard and then my body would break down in some way.  Either mental burnout, physical injury, or just pure fatigue.  But I’ve learned to listen to my body at a deeper level in the last 3-4 years and that self awareness is paying off.  I’ve also learned a lot more humility where my abilities are concerned.  If I need to make an exercise easier or use a lighter weight, I do it.  Having too much pride in one workout will steal my progress in the long term.  I have spent far too many years struggling with mechanical problems in my body to let pride take away what has proven to be the most physically athletic I have ever been in my life (In my 40’s).  

This thought process has worked well with my health.  What I’m trying to do now is apply this same thinking to the rest of my life.

Personal Finances

Far too often I find myself worried about my financial future.  The irony is, I’m more financially stable now than I have ever been.  That financial stability has been built on the income of a part time security guard.  This makes me laugh when I stop and think about it because everything I was taught growing up says this shouldn’t be possible. Though my actual experience disproves this, I still have a strong notion that financial stability is only possible with a relatively high income. This idea is lodged somewhere in my mind and makes it difficult to reconcile my current reality with what is ‘supposed’ to be true.   

About 11-12 years ago I started using a budgeting software called YNAB (‘You Need A Budget’).  At that point I had been debt free for 3 years and I wanted to make sure I was maintaining discipline with my relatively small income as a fitness coach at the time.  In the last 12 years I have consistently used the principles YNAB teaches and I have faithfully used the app to track my spending.  Also, I continue reading and learning about money.  Just like exercise, I show up, I do the work, and the gains happen.  I haven’t had a high level of income since I was an engineer. The stress I create around money is all in my head.  I just need to focus on sticking to the same simple process that has proven reliable for the last 12 years.  

No extremes. No getting rich quick. No chasing money. Just set my budget, show up, and do the work.

Relationships  

I’ve been married for just over 2 years now.  One of the challenges of living with a partner after you’ve been single for the majority of your adult life, is getting accustomed to the habits of another person.  Our eating habits are different.  We each have pet peeves around things we like to be kept clean in a certain way.  Our sleep schedules are different.  The way we communicate is VERY different.  We’re very different people but, obviously, we love each other.  What I’ve seen in my own marriage is that it’s critical to keep iterating towards a compromise that works for both parties.  I have to keep in mind that we’ll reach compromises and we’ll have to adjust as we put them in play.  In the process I have to remember that my wife is on my side and I have to remember what we have committed to as a married couple.  I have to show up consistently and do the work.

Also, I’m learning that it’s very easy to lose ourselves in the relationships we have with people we live with.  Sometimes I’m eating the way she eats, sleeping the way she sleeps, consuming the entertainment she consumes… and sometimes I’m getting frustrated because I am not doing the things I want to do. In these moments I get frustrated and maybe a bit resentful as I blame her for being her.  In reality I need to communicate better and I need to hold myself accountable to showing up and doing the work in the other areas of my life (health, finances, work).  In this way I have to get more specific about the things that I can control. 

No it’s not some grand mystery I need to solve. It’s much more about observing the simple patterns that happen everyday. I’m not a single man living alone anymore. My planning has to be more specific and in the details.  What time am I waking up?  What time am I going to bed?  What’s my bedtime routine?  When am I exercising?  What type of food are we going to keep readily available in the house?  Planning these things is something I can do as an individual and with my wife.  I’m still getting used to it because I never had to plan these things before because it was just me.  It seems like the more people we have in our home environment, the more specific we have to be with our planning of everyday activities that we may take for granted as individuals.  There’s no extreme over the top hopeless romantic solution here. I have to get out my pen and paper, plan, show up, and do the work.

Work

Whether it’s writing, making my podcasts, or showing up for my security guard job, this one is very straight forward.  Get my attitude right, be grateful that I am able to do all the things I want to with my life, show up, and do the work. No extremes. No believing in my dream job. No overnight success. No hacking the algorithm chasing viral attention online. Again, cultivating a positive attitude and consistently working to make content I’m proud of. Show up. Do the work.

Progress and Setbacks

Progress happens if we show up consistently and do what we’re supposed to do.  Life will never be perfect and there’s always something we could waste time worrying about or wishing was better.  Also, there will always be the inevitable setback.  Adversity is a constant companion in this life.

As I wrote at the beginning of this article, in the last 3 years I’ve made huge leaps in my physical capacities. Also, in the last 3 years I’ve had a couple of the worst knee injuries I have ever had while doing MMA training (amoung other injuries).  Rehab has simply been reducing intensity and slowly working my way back to my normal routine.  Nothing crazy. In the midst of some of the biggest physical setbacks I’ve ever had in my life, I’m still seeing my biggest overall athletic improvements.  Whether progress or setback, we have our marching orders:  No extremes. Show Up.  Do The Work.

PS – The Most Important Skill In Life Podcast’s first episode is live on Spotify and YouTube.

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