Frustrated w/ A Lack of Progress? Set a Smaller Goal!

A Butterscotch Milkshake, French Fries, and a Fried Chicken Finger Sandwich from Dairy Queen in the Mall where I worked. 

Boooyyyyyy, lemme tell ya, I go hard on a cheat meal!

This was my one cheat meal a week when I was in my senior year of high school and working hard to lose weight.  The rest of the week it was no soda, no fast food, no sweets, and no fried food.  It was a great formula at the time.  I had 100 lbs to lose and I had been drinking lots of soda and eating lots of fast food up until that point.  Cutting out those two things alone probably took 7,000 calories out of my  weekly dietary consumption.  But, I still ate cereal which I think of as dessert now, and I still ate bread that was processed wheat bread which was “healthy” at the time.  It was also a very low stress point in my life, which makes a huge difference for me and, I suspect, for most people, in terms of being able to control food cravings.

This past November I set a goal with my wife that I wouldn’t eat any sugar or flour containing foods for the entire month leading up to Thanksgiving Day.  If I broke, I had to pay with 50 pushups.  A month without some cookies, or donuts, or pizza at some point?!  It felt like a tall order when she proposed it, but my wife has been hearing me bitch and moan about my overconsumption of these types of food for a while now.  I took the challenge.  I made it.  It was difficult, but now, I know I can do it. So I set the same goal for December and Christmas.  December did not go well.  Let’s just say I did a lot of pushups!  Out of frustration with myself I set a New Year’s Resolution of only eating sugar and flour once a month.  One cheat meal a month because I was pissed and sick and tired of losing that fight!

Just before New Years day I had calmed down but was firmly resolute that 2024 would be the year I only had 12 total cheat meals.  Then I heard best-selling author, Tim Ferris, say something on the How I Write Podcast, “Do less than you think you can do.”  A very eloquent and simple way of saying something that I am always saying, “Set small sustainable goals.”  However, the difference that Tim Ferris brings out in his statement more explicitly, is that we should set goals that seem almost too easy.  I agree with this idea 100%!  I almost set myself up for a ton of frustration in the New Year by setting that 1 cheat meal/month goal.  It’s been hard to stick to 1 cheat meal per week in the last 5-6 years.  What I need is psychological momentum in the right direction.  Small consistent wins will help me get that.

For years I’ve daydreamed about the day when I can eliminate sugar from my diet totally.  Heavy sugar consumption was a self medication tool I used as a child to disconnect from abuse at home and at school.  As I’ve mentioned many times, I still turn to eating sometimes when I get stressed.  Quitting sugar or at least significantly reducing consumption, isn’t just about health for me, it’s about beating the bullies from my childhood.  The strict disciplined soldier and martial artist in me wants to make it happen instantly!  But the irony in being a soldier and being a martial artist, is that I know that I must acknowledge weaknesses and approach improvement of those weaknesses, strategically.  Trying to go for long periods of time without sugar and flour right now, will only lead to lots of time meditating about having those foods and building anticipation towards that one meal… that then turns into several meals over days, weeks, and months. However, what if I only go 3 days at a time?  That’s a target I know I can hit over and over again.  Maybe after a few months of doing that I’ll try 5 days, then a week, and so on. 

Even a guy that spends so much time thinking about self improvement forgets these simple lessons or fails to apply them properly.  My story said I must be able to go for a week without a cheat meal.  Then it said I must be able to go a month, and then, eliminate the cheat meal totally.  But, the truth of my execution over the last 5 years says that I can go 2-3 days consistently, without food indulgence.  Consistency over time will get me to a better place.

People, if the current change you’re trying to make just isn’t working, just make the change smaller than you think it needs to be.  Get the psychological boost that comes from seeing yourself win that battle on a regular basis for a longer period of time than you think necessary. If we think something is impossible or that we are losers because we keep picking fights we can’t win, maybe it’s time to pick an easier opponent?

This has hit me in several places as we cross over into the New Year:

• My writing habit has waned a bit in the last 4-5 months and I think that’s because I’ve been a little too heavy on video creation in order to promote the writing.  I’m backing off some of that in order to bring my daily writing habit back to full strength.
• The same thing is true with my reading habits.  I’ve gotten locked into the idea of reading and writing for 1 hour each, everyday.  In the last 4-5 months I’ve not written or read on many days because I feel like I don’t have the time for 1 hour of each.  But, I’m confident I can muster 20 minutes of each, daily. So I’m focused on doing that this year.
• My workouts have been decent but they would be a lot better if I cut down on the number of exercises I’ve been doing.  I heard a strength coach recently refer to what I’ve been doing as ‘junk volume’.  Basically, I’ve been doing so many exercises and improving slightly at all of them but I could focus on a few and see much bigger gains.  I’ve caught myself multiple times in the last ten years doing this and hopefully this is the last time I have to learn this lesson.  
• Then there’s working as a security guard part time to make money and continuing my writing/podcast in the hopes to one day make money.  I still spend way too much time daydreaming about other jobs instead of driving my focus and intention on appreciating where I am in life and getting better at communicating the insights I’m having along the way.  Most people work a normal hourly job, just like me.  If my goal is to encourage the everyday person in self improvement, it’s probably wiser to embrace the normality of where I am and do the work to improve my experience in that.

Then there’s making sure I spend time with my wife, planning for the future care of my aging parents, beginning the process of looking for a home to buy, and maintaining my relationships with close friends across the country.  It’s a lot and taking small manageable steps in each area seems to be the theme for my 2024:

“Do less than you think you can do…”, and patiently chip away.

Remember, Personal Ownership is the Most Important Skill in Life.

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