Push The Rock

I’ve had many times in my life where I’ve felt like I was trying to move an object that just won’t budge:  when I was trying to lose weight as a kid or trying to become my own boss for example.  I’ve learned over the years to view struggling for my character in the same way I view strength training for my body; this difficulty will make me stronger.

I do not believe we should only do things because they are hard but I do believe we should develop the ability to recognize when we are quitting things because they’re hard.  Pain is a permanent feature of life so if we are making our life choices based purely on avoiding struggle, then I have to believe we will end up running from one thing to the next, never committing to anything.  I would wager that every aspect of life will involve struggle at some point so the avoidance of difficulty seems like a waste of time in my mind.

How do we make our choices and how do we find the will to keep going when the process isn’t giving us the things we want?  I think the first thing you have to do is establish whether or not the goals you are setting are honestly yours or social pressure.

When I was an Engineer struggling with depression, I hesitated letting go of the job because I was more concerned about how other people would view me rather than being concerned with what I actually wanted to do with my life.  Fortunately, I got over the need for external validation and walked away from Engineering.  It wasn’t what I honestly wanted for my life so why was I torturing myself doing that work?

It’s obvious, but I want to be clear, this is not me telling you to quit your job because you don’t like it.  As a matter of fact, your job may be a tool that you’re using to keep moving forward with the things you actually want to do.  This leads me to the second thing I believe you need to do when struggling in a process:  contextualize your struggle.  

Currently, I work as a security guard.  It’s boring as hell.  However, it’s flexible and allows me the mental space and energy to keep moving forward as a writer and speaker.  It’s also not the kind of job that demands your time when you’re not at work (Engineering did).  When I’m frustrated with security work because it is boring, I try to remember that the freed up mental space gives me the chance to think up content ideas and new ways to market my business.  I also try to imagine what it will feel like to not have to be a security guard any longer.  Also, I try to be grateful that I’m not under any stress or ridiculous deadlines as a security guard.  If my only problem is boredom, then I can reframe that into having 8 hours to figure out how I’m going to improve my business.

If you’re struggling in a process that is honestly meaningful to you, I would tell you to find a way to keep going.  Find a way to change your perspective on the struggle.  Also, know that you aren’t alone in that feeling of futility when it feels like you’re trying to move a boulder that won’t budge.  Me too.  Just know, every time we push against that rock, whether it moves or not, we get a little stronger.