How Do We Develop Resilience?

When I talk of developing self worth, practically, I am referring to one specific ability:  The ability to look at your behavior and beliefs honestly without losing love of self.  I’m still sorting out the language for this but let me give you some detail today.

People generally have a hard time dealing with the ugly parts of their life.  Alcohol/drug addiction, serious money mistakes/problems, chaotic behavior that comes from childhood abuse, a lack of self respect from being in a toxic romantic relationship, etc.  People fear dealing with these things head on and in particular we fear other people knowing we might be struggling in an area like the ones mentioned.  Modern society seems very focused on ‘looking’ as if we have it all figured out.

Lack of Acknowledgement, avoidance, and, at the worst, blaming other people for our own flaws and vices.  In my experience, this is how many people handle the parts of their lives that aren’t pretty.  However, what if you looked at yourself like you were your own child?  You’d love that child, do anything to protect that child, and, hopefully, you’d do what you had to do to ensure that child flourished.  This is what I mean by self-worth, loving yourself enough to look at yourself through an honest lens.  You may be struggling with self confidence and self respect, but because you love yourself, you are willing to be honest with yourself.

Another way of thinking about it is pretending like you are experiencing some life threatening event like a heart attack or a stroke.  When You get to the emergency room you are going to get exposed.  They strip you naked before strangers (techs/nurses/doctors).  Would you choose to not have care given because you didn’t want to be seen naked?  I hope not.  Your sense of self preservation would kick in and you would accept being naked to get your life saved.

That’s what it’s about: Loving yourself enough to be honest about your behaviors and beliefs and begin altering your actions to line up with a desired course of action.  That’s the process of personal growth and developing resilience in my mind.  I believe we use the skill of Personal Ownership to enter that process.

There’s 3 selfs we’re working on:

Loving yourself enough (Self Worth)

To be honest about your behaviors/beliefs (Self Awareness)

And CHANGE your actions to line up with a desired course of action (Self Discipline).

Remember, change is the hardest thing we do in life.  When faced with the need to change, the greatest temptation is to blame something outside of ourselves so as to avoid responsibility.  Therefore, the most important skill in life is Personal Ownership.

This is what personal growth is in my mind.  This process is how a person becomes more resilient.  Does it make sense to you?  What are your thoughts?