Naked is Easier than Vulnerable

“It’s easier for people to get naked and literally, physically get inside of one another, than it is for us to be transparent about our dreams, fears, traumas…”  I added, “Or, Financial Situations…”

A good buddy of mine said this to me on the phone the other day.  I couldn’t have been more in agreement.  In the last few weeks I’ve decided to make some shifts in how I’m doing things in life:

  • I’m learning how to Day-Trade in the stock market because I find it interesting and it would be a means to solidify my income and work for myself, for good.
  • Of course, I still speak and write about personal development but I have stopped actively marketing.  I have noticed that all my major speaking opportunities have come through word of mouth.  People seek me out.  I’ve never gotten an engagement by sending a random email or cold calling or social media.  I’m not doing any of that now.  I get to deliver the message I believe in.
  • I’m actively working on putting funds together to begin MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) training again.  I’ve been interested in doing this for at least 10 years.  The Army was a healing experience for me in the sense that it gave me a place to release much of the bottled aggression that I had carried from childhood.  That energy is more controlled now, but I get the sense that it still needs a continuous aggressive outlet.  I’ll be healthier because of it.

Three activities that have high risk associated with them in some shape or form.  Yet, I’m drawn to all of them like a moth to a flame.  When I got out of the military in 2012 I wondered if my desire to chase MMA was some need to do what I called, ‘Peak Chasing’.  Did I need to constantly be doing something hard and outlandish?  Was I still trying to prove myself to those demons from my childhood?

Ultimately, I made the choice to put the possibility of MMA fighting down because a woman whom I was dating at the time didn’t approve of it.  At the mention of the topic she would recoil.  Again, this was 2012.  Again, I was just getting out of the military.  At that time I hadn’t even exchanged emails/text messages with a woman in 6 years.  I hate saying it, but I was desperate for a relationship.  She broke it off.  6 years prior to that, in 2006, a woman I had been engaged to broke it off, in part, because of my quitting engineering.  The other part was because of anger issues that I was having.  Again, joining the military after this relationship was a very healing experience.

I’ve been a single man for most of my life and romance has been incredibly elusive.  I love women!  I hope you take that in a positive way but I won’t explain it more because it’s just a true statement.  I Love Women!  I don’t need to explain it.  Take it how you want to take it.  This leads to the teaching point:  You be you and I’m going to be me!

I’m going on a date in a few days and I’m going to be very transparent with this woman.  Nevermind the day trading, speaking, and MMA fighting.   Let’s talk about how I can only afford dates that cost little to no money.  I’m totally ready to tell this woman that I am more than happy to give her my time, energy, and presence, but giving money to a restaurant or bar is something I can’t do right now.  I can’t afford it and if that is not okay with her, than so be it.  I will not judge her for wanting a man who has more in the way of money… I will not judge her for wanting a man who has a more stable career… I will not judge her for wanting nice things… but most of all, I won’t judge myself for wanting to be myself.

I’m not going to hide from women any longer because I’m afraid I’ll be rejected for being different.  It really was much easier to have sex with the two women I mentioned above than it was to reveal my true desires and my real condition…  It was easier to get naked than to be vulnerable.  That’s A Damn Shame and I Ain’t Havin’ it No More! 

Hear more in Episode 41 of the podcast.

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